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Description:For something that sounds like it might be spread on a bagel, the Pap smear is pretty much hell on earth. The speculum is then pulled out as quickly as your husband might when your child unexpectedly bounds into your bedroom, and the doctor nonchalantly hands you a checkout slip while telling you to grab a sanitary product in case you bleed from the exam. Ah, the comfort of getting your reproductive organs thoroughly checked on the outside and from the inside — simultaneously! Feel free to break the ice during this partially erotic, wholly uneasy moment by suggesting the examiner could have at least bought you dinner first. Then comes an absurdly long Q-tip that essentially swabs away the rest of your dignity as a solitary tear rolls slowly down your cheek. You put your arm above your head and your practitioner starts gently rubbing your breast in tiny, methodical circles all while trying to avoid eye contact. Worst of all is your bare behind is often the first thing the doctor sees when walking in the door… the door that opens from a busy hallway.
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